The reason I haven't posted in a week is because I've developed a Serum which I decided to test on my own. I haven't yet been able to say it works, it doesn't do anything but make me tired I guess, maybe all it is, is a really good sleeping Serum. Alright, I'm taking it one more time as I'm going to bed anyway. But tomorrow I'll just pour it down the drain because it probably doesn't do what pills can't already do. It's been a waste of time and really has refrained me from posting more captions!
*gulps down a little flask of Serum*
Hahaha, I'm back y'all. Where do I begin?
This entire week I've taken the serum when I wasn't around a computer and luckily I drank it in the morning on monday so, by noon I could go shopping, I obviously needed new clothes. My male clothes wouldn't fit me anymore, not that I was interested in wearing them anyway.
*gulps down a little flask of Serum*
Hahaha, I'm back y'all. Where do I begin?
This entire week I've taken the serum when I wasn't around a computer and luckily I drank it in the morning on monday so, by noon I could go shopping, I obviously needed new clothes. My male clothes wouldn't fit me anymore, not that I was interested in wearing them anyway.
That's right, I turned into a woman, a female version of myself.
A really good-looking version of myself if I say so myself. And yes, I have to admit the first transformation hurt a little but I'm the woman, I have to put up with the pain, carry the weight on my shoulders. Unlike my male self, he won't remember a thing of what I had to go through. Much like how it is in the real world...
So, anyway... I thought I'd treat myself and to be honest with you, I also remember my male life but I certainly don't act like my old self, I act like myself, this is who I am after all.
By day three I've realized that if I went to sleep with a certain thought I could make my male self do what I couldn't do and he won't be any the wiser. It'd seem like the most normal thing in the world, like he had planned on doing it. It's quite funny and yet abusive but then again, it's for a good cause, isn't it?
I've started noticing that my appearance was only ever so slightly changing the more I took the serum. I did get a haircut though, the long hair was too much. By now, after taking the Serum for about a week, I look like this:
My brown hair is turning into natural blonde and while I don't mind, I'm afraid something else might change that I don't like. Maybe lower I.Q., bigger boobs, bigger ass, bigger lips, bigger pussy or all of the above? I certainly don' hope so, I'm a genius student and I'd like to keep it that way. Heck, I'm already attractive as is, the hair is a big plus but the rest is totally unnecessary.
That's why I've gone to sleep every day willing myself to just pour the Serum away, completely abandon the project, forget about it but somewhere deep down he has the same fears as myself. Will I be killing myself by pouring away the Serum?
I've been thinking about how we share the same fear, it's more of an instinct. The same instinct I bet created me, which was just another fear or maybe a dislike. I'll explain. I admit this looks and sounds a lot like Dr. Jeckyll and Hyde but let me tell you, my male self always disliked how the one who took over was such a vile creature. Maybe that's why I'm so caring and good, just like my male self.
I'm literally speaking for myself here, but whether I am this girl or as a man, I'm a good person. It's just that as a man I'm not loved, I'm too kind and girls rather keep me as a best friend but if I had an actual body of my own, I'd totally date a guy like that!
But moving on, time is ticking and I'm running out of time.
Since I know I won't pour the Serum away no reason what all that's left to do is write this post, which honestly sounds like a letter someone's written right before they died and after some grieving, when you're starting to pull through someone gives you a letter, saying: "They wanted you to read this".
And as long as I'm not really dead, because I'm really just in his heart and I have a feeling that's where I'll always be. Dead, gone or maybe out of this body into my own should we find a way, he'll always care and think about me, that's how good of a guy he is!
That's why I can't stick with just a post, I have to record myself and tell him it's okay. And that this isn't goodbye. He has to at least be aware I'm here and that even I don't have the answers to his questions, because we also have the same questions... Again, will I die if he stops taking the Serum? We don't know! I'd like to think that I live on in his heart.
So that means if he takes the Serum again in say, a month, a year, whatever... I'll still look like this. We can only hope. Should I be a bimbo I'd kill myself but then I'd be killing him too. Truth to be told, I might not be smart enough to get the safety off but joking aside, I hope it never comes to that!
And maybe I'd just have to learn to live with- and accept who I am... But for now all I ask is to be absent, to not come out again and for him not to take the serum anymore - as if to leave me alone.
*Breasts start shrinking*
Well, there I go, I've only got a few more minutes left. I guess in memory of me all I'm asking is you keep up this blog and maybe it'll make me a stronger woman and because I'm you I'd be making you stronger too! There really isn't gender and it shouldn't serve as an excuse to keep your distance from anyone, no one's meant to be alone. You aren't loved but I'm sure that'll change some day soon!
Much love,
Laurie x
To be continued?
____________________________________________________
Thanks for reading! I hope you liked it. It's special in so many ways to me. Not just the symbolism, the moral of the story or really the values to life it shows... I hoped to dig deeper into our feelings and how we process death or just someone's absence.
A really good-looking version of myself if I say so myself. And yes, I have to admit the first transformation hurt a little but I'm the woman, I have to put up with the pain, carry the weight on my shoulders. Unlike my male self, he won't remember a thing of what I had to go through. Much like how it is in the real world...
So, anyway... I thought I'd treat myself and to be honest with you, I also remember my male life but I certainly don't act like my old self, I act like myself, this is who I am after all.
By day three I've realized that if I went to sleep with a certain thought I could make my male self do what I couldn't do and he won't be any the wiser. It'd seem like the most normal thing in the world, like he had planned on doing it. It's quite funny and yet abusive but then again, it's for a good cause, isn't it?
I've started noticing that my appearance was only ever so slightly changing the more I took the serum. I did get a haircut though, the long hair was too much. By now, after taking the Serum for about a week, I look like this:
My brown hair is turning into natural blonde and while I don't mind, I'm afraid something else might change that I don't like. Maybe lower I.Q., bigger boobs, bigger ass, bigger lips, bigger pussy or all of the above? I certainly don' hope so, I'm a genius student and I'd like to keep it that way. Heck, I'm already attractive as is, the hair is a big plus but the rest is totally unnecessary.
That's why I've gone to sleep every day willing myself to just pour the Serum away, completely abandon the project, forget about it but somewhere deep down he has the same fears as myself. Will I be killing myself by pouring away the Serum?
I've been thinking about how we share the same fear, it's more of an instinct. The same instinct I bet created me, which was just another fear or maybe a dislike. I'll explain. I admit this looks and sounds a lot like Dr. Jeckyll and Hyde but let me tell you, my male self always disliked how the one who took over was such a vile creature. Maybe that's why I'm so caring and good, just like my male self.
I'm literally speaking for myself here, but whether I am this girl or as a man, I'm a good person. It's just that as a man I'm not loved, I'm too kind and girls rather keep me as a best friend but if I had an actual body of my own, I'd totally date a guy like that!
But moving on, time is ticking and I'm running out of time.
Since I know I won't pour the Serum away no reason what all that's left to do is write this post, which honestly sounds like a letter someone's written right before they died and after some grieving, when you're starting to pull through someone gives you a letter, saying: "They wanted you to read this".
And as long as I'm not really dead, because I'm really just in his heart and I have a feeling that's where I'll always be. Dead, gone or maybe out of this body into my own should we find a way, he'll always care and think about me, that's how good of a guy he is!
That's why I can't stick with just a post, I have to record myself and tell him it's okay. And that this isn't goodbye. He has to at least be aware I'm here and that even I don't have the answers to his questions, because we also have the same questions... Again, will I die if he stops taking the Serum? We don't know! I'd like to think that I live on in his heart.
So that means if he takes the Serum again in say, a month, a year, whatever... I'll still look like this. We can only hope. Should I be a bimbo I'd kill myself but then I'd be killing him too. Truth to be told, I might not be smart enough to get the safety off but joking aside, I hope it never comes to that!
And maybe I'd just have to learn to live with- and accept who I am... But for now all I ask is to be absent, to not come out again and for him not to take the serum anymore - as if to leave me alone.
*Breasts start shrinking*
Well, there I go, I've only got a few more minutes left. I guess in memory of me all I'm asking is you keep up this blog and maybe it'll make me a stronger woman and because I'm you I'd be making you stronger too! There really isn't gender and it shouldn't serve as an excuse to keep your distance from anyone, no one's meant to be alone. You aren't loved but I'm sure that'll change some day soon!
Much love,
Laurie x
To be continued?
____________________________________________________
Thanks for reading! I hope you liked it. It's special in so many ways to me. Not just the symbolism, the moral of the story or really the values to life it shows... I hoped to dig deeper into our feelings and how we process death or just someone's absence.
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